Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
