mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
