this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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