Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
