Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize