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Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Every concussion has its silver lining
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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