I cannot find my penis.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
