Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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