I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
