I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
