so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
