so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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