Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize