My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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