it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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