my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
