No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
