Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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