Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
