i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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