He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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