Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize