My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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