But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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