dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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