We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
