90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
