Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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