he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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