he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
sex in a hospital.. check
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
