Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
