____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
