There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
