i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
where are you?
Hypothermia
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
