Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
