Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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