I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize