I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
