Your mouth is God's brothel.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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