He had one of those small greek statue penises
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
