If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
so much tequila, so little girl.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
