I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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