hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
