Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
