are you so shy because you have an std?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
