I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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