The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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