I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
