he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
