dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just found puke in my bra..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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