you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
