I love black thongs
Porn is love you can see.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
