ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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