I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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