Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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