My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
