wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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