the condom got lost in my hair
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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