I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize