Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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