matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
