Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
