I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
