don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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