I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
